Does going along to a new group or striking up a conversation with a stranger fill you with fear?
If you answered yes to that question, you are not alone.
Our brains are constantly working to adapt to our environments, taking in signals from our senses to monitor changes and respond accordingly. In a world full of sensory input, it can be hard for our brains to switch off, keeping us ready to respond if it thinks we’re in danger. This can impact our thoughts and feelings, often going into stress or anxiety. Over time, we may find it harder to go out of our comfort zones, sticking to places and routines that are familiar.
We can also have a similar process when meeting and talking with new people. Our brains will be trying to interpret body language, what someone is saying and how they’re saying it in order to then work out how to respond. If we’re already feeling a bit nervous, it’s easy for our own internal monologue to take over and overthink what’s happening. We can become hyperaware of ourselves, which can fuel the overthinking, leaving us full of ‘the fear’. This can stop us forging new connections and building a sense of belonging with where we are.
If you haven’t seen it, Inside Out 2 does a great job of exploring what anxiety can do when exploring new places and friendships.
Top Tips to help with managing ‘the fear’
Ground yourself in the moment
Before you enter a new space, take a moment for some deep breaths nice and slow. As you enter the space, give yourself a moment to take it all in, don’t feel like you have to rush in. It might be useful to follow the 54321 grounding technique with some deep breaths to get used to your environment.
Power yourself with positive thinking
The fear and anxiety can bring lots of negative ‘what if’ thoughts. What if they don’t like my outfit? What if they don’t find my jokes funny? What if we don’t like the same things? If you find yourself starting to think this way, gently challenge with the positive – they may love your outfit, what if you have the funniest jokes to tell, maybe you’ll have loads in common! The more we can focus on the positives, the more we will spot them in the conversation.
Take the journey slowly
Think about your end goal e.g. talking to a new person at college or work. What are the small steps that will help you get there? It may be that just getting used to interacting more with the people around you is the starting point. Saying goodbye to the bus driver, or using a staffed till in the supermarket can build confidence.
